This week, I’ve been reflecting on the weight that foster and adoptive moms often carry. We’re not just navigating the normal ups and downs of childhood development. We’re also holding space for trauma, grief, loss, attachment struggles, appointments, behaviors, uncertainty, and the deep ache of wanting to help our children heal.

But this week, one question has challenged me: “Is this mine to care for, or is this mine to carry?”

I woke up feeling exhausted and burdened. As I listened to a podcast that morning, those words seemed to stop me in my tracks.

“Is this mine to care for, or is this mine to carry?”

I thought, Wow… I know this feeling. As someone who is deeply empathetic, I naturally step into caring for others. But somewhere along the way, I began carrying things that were never meant to rest on my shoulders.

There is a difference.

To care is to love, nurture, advocate, pray, show up, and create safety. To carry is to believe we must hold the full weight of another person’s healing, pain, or future outcome. One brings compassion. The other often brings exhaustion.

Foster and adoptive moms have some of the biggest hearts I know. We willingly step into hard places because our children deserve someone who won’t give up on them. But if we’re not careful, we can begin carrying burdens that were never ours to bear. Maybe that’s why so many of us end the day emotionally drained.

What if part of our healing as moms is learning to care deeply without carrying everything? To love wholeheartedly while remembering that our child’s story doesn’t rest solely on our shoulders.

We were never meant to carry it all. Maybe today, the question isn’t, “Am I doing enough?” Maybe the better question is: “Is this mine to care for… or is this mine to carry?”